My tale this week is inspired by the lingo used in the pet world. When I chat with people not obsessed with pet/animals they either crack up or give me a blank look. How many quirky pet words or phrases can you relate to in this fictional story?
Doggo Decoder – Tales with Tails
Max shivered against the chilly sudden downpour. Darn thunder started early today! Even with his thundershirt hugging him securely the poor doggo jumped at the loud booms in the sky. But we have to go on our walkies and keep housetraining on track. No more potty pads for Max! He sniffed all the good places and finally settled on watering the classic fire hydrant. (Pretty sure the irony of that decision was lost on him.)
Back in the warm house Max squirmed under a cursory towel dry. As any full blooded pupper would he jetted off at full speed to race zoomies around the house. Running and leaping in circles, under the table, and over the couch he managed to spread the rain drops evenly throughout the living room.
Sophie nonchalantly observed the undignified chaos from the third floor of her deluxe condo. The tiniest twitch of her tail registered her royal disgust. Have canines no dignity? Obviously the proper response to a wet coat is to stretch out completely and begin a luxurious bristle tongue bath on a clean duvet. Followed up with a spiteful stroll across the dining room table. And finished off with a kitty roca deposit one inch outside of the pristine litter box. Ah well everyone knows that felines are supreme beings so her station in the hierarchy will remain purrfectly undisputed.
One final shake-off starting at Max’s muzzle and spiraling all the way to the tip of his tail feathers causing a fine cloud of mist and Max finally paused. What’s this? A BarkBox has arrived? Glory days! Much barking and bouncing is necessary until the treasure chest is pried open. Cookies and squeakies and kibble and bandanas are showered upon Max every month. Doggos age 7x faster than hoomans so he can celebrate his birthday every month right?
Besides that, who knows where Max lived the first five years of his life? Scooped up off the streets by a friendly animal control officer a year ago his previous life is a mystery. Heck we don’t even know his breed without a Wisdom Panel DNA test. (It doesn’t matter anyway since he’s fluffy so his breed is “Floof” in our minds.)
As part of the animal rescue foster network in town I agreed to care for Max until he found a home. All set up with yummy food, full veterinary exam, and a giant soft bed I loaded Max in my Subaru and brought him to my house temporarily. He earned the “Pawsome Pooch” award in obedience class. He kept a respectful relationship with Sophie. And he eventually got the hang of housetraining.
But after a few weeks I realized I had failed. Foster Failed. Yup, Max wasn’t going anywhere. He had worked his magic and found his furever home as my precious furbaby.
That evening while watching the storm subside we all snuggled on the couch under a paw print blankie. Sophie kneaded biscuits on my right leg with her little pink beans. Max flopped his fuzzy chin on my left leg and snored peacefully. I glanced at the plaque on my wall and contemplated it’s message again “Who Rescued Who?”
****Doggie models are Leo & Martha who live with Kathryn Eccleston. Kathryn is the mom of Ali who founded Animal House Rescue & Grooming. If you live in Colorado consider adopting from Animal House.
Listen to the narrated version on the Tales with Tails podcast Episode 6. Aired November 13, 2018.